Your waiter does not want to hear about your digestive issues

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Anthony Bourdain once said that you can always tell when someone has worked in a restaurant. “There’s an empathy that can only be cultivated by those who have stood between a hungry mouth and a $28 pork chop.” Empathy is one thing, listening to diners deep-dive into their inner selves quite another.

I work at an artisan pasta restaurant, the sort of place that people tell me they’ve been “waiting for ages” to try. Some degree of small talk alongside the food is always to be expected and enjoyed.

There’s an art to being attentive without being invasive. Conversation doesn’t normally extend much beyond the usual pleasantries and chit-chat about food and wine. But recently, diners have been getting a bit too comfortable. The previously uncharted territory in question? Their guts.

More than once, I have had diners confide in me their digestive dilemmas while weighing up their options. “No, I don’t think I’ll go for the burrata. I’m going to a festival this weekend and don’t want cheese belly.” Or they’ll throw caution to the wind with their dietary restrictions: “I’m gluten-free but I didn’t tell you when I ordered because I wanted to try the pasta. It was worth it.” The customer proceeded to occupy the restaurant’s one-cubicle toilet for a really, really long time.

Gut health — or the microorganism-laende microbiome in our digestive systems — has been the topic du jour for some time. The global digestive health market is predicted to be worth $90.2bn by 2031, according to Allied Market Research.

As we learn more about the microbiome, the more it seems we are able to drop our movements into casual conversation. With TikTok trends like #HotGirlsWithIBS and celebrities like Gwyneth Paltrow touting bone broth and very little actual food as a gut health go-to, why not tell your server how that ravioli laden with butter and three types of cheese really made you feel?

Wait staff are noticing. One friend says she experiences regular dietary “trauma dumping” by local almond mums as they collect sourdough from her Brighton café. Another, who works at a Neapolitan-style pizza restaurant in Penzance, tells me he feels like he knows the town’s gut movements by heart. And, naturally, the industry has encouraged the fixation. The new obsession with gut health is reflected in menus and larders across the country stocked with kimchi this and fermented that.

In this whole process, it is gluten that has emerged as the villain. Any long-standing, front-of-house worker will tell you about the sharp increase in bookings referencing gluten intolerance (but not coeliac, which is much more serious). The ever-increasing wealth of nutritional knowledge available has diners exercising freedom to choose based on what they decide is best for their digestive tracts. Or at the very least, gives them an excuse to share this information with staff and any other diners within earshot.

Personally, I’m always a little taken aback when a diner overshares. I can never seem to offer up more than an “Oh dear” or a nervous laugh. But if you’ve ever done a stint in hospitality, you will know that a little light-hearted gossip about customers is inevitable and often makes the job more fun. Openly discussing gastric woes is fine, but diners should do so at their own peril.

Isabelle Gray is a waiter and writer based in Bristol

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